


Roll with it

by HitmeonmyTspot



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:55:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27691010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HitmeonmyTspot/pseuds/HitmeonmyTspot
Summary: The continuing story of Taron and X.  From Rolling in the Deep.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One  
The ward was exactly as you imagined. More like one flew over the cuckoo’s nest than a place of healing. This was meant to be minimum security, but the locks on the doors felt like you were in the asylums of the horror movies you loved since childhood. As you were shown to your room and made to give up anything you could harm yourself with, you grew more and more nervous about the place. Placing your bag on the bed, you rolled into the single room. The door was clear Perspex and locked from the outside only, using a number lock. Feeling like an inmate at her majesty’s service. You crawled onto the bed and into the corner. Tears frozen in your eyes as you stared numbly ahead. Wishing Taron was there to hold you.

Meanwhile, on the unit, Taron was making frantic telephone calls to anyone who would listen, to find out what had happened and where you had gone. He had tried your mobile phone over and over but wasn’t aware that it had been confiscated at the ward. Finally, Taron was able to locate someone who knew where you were, and after a bribe or two gave him details. He was relieved to find you were still in the area of the hospital. Only a different building on the other side of the place. He climbed into his chair and sped out of the unit, focussed on ensuring he found where you were. He had learned that it was a psyche ward and couldn’t imagine what you would be going through.

As he passed ward after, the ward he felt his arms fatigue. They were strong but, it was still a task to push your own weight longer distances. He finally recognized Lavender Ward, slowing and checking his paper. He moved to the receptionist “My” he coughed he had planned this all out but stalled a second  
“My girlfriend was just brought down to this ward without warning, I would like to see her,” he said firmly. He hoped you would understand his little lie. Giving her name the receptionist told Taron when visiting hours were, He explained that he was a patient on the Gemini Unit and subject to restrictions. The lady looked at him in the chair and feeling sympathetic, she said she would make some calls.  
Taron rolled over to the chairs; others were waiting. He fumed, trying to keep his temper. But unable to understand how you could have been moved without so much as a heads up. He knew what you had done was serious and of course, you obviously needed help. But surely, they could understand this reaction. After a while, a man in a white coat came out and took Taron through a door to a treatment room. He sat at the desk and listened as Taron explained what he wanted. Nodding occasionally, the doctor confirmed that he had spoken to you to ensure that Taron was your boyfriend and would be allowed access to confidential information. He reddened slightly but exhaled when the doctor said you had confirmed it. He was surprised by his own reaction didn’t and why it felt so good to hear.

The specialist explained their plan to Taron and as the discussion continued Taron became more and more incensed.  
“Doctor, with all due respect I would like to see my partner now, she has been uprooted from a place she felt safe, where I was able to support her and she was making progress, without warning, you think that is good for her mental health” he fumed. The doctor was stern  
“She is a danger to herself it is only by luck that she even survived the fall, she needs protecting from herself and the Gemini unit is a physical therapy unit, it is not equipped to deal with the depth of her issues” replied the Doctor.  
“And if I said I would organise private treatment?” he said. This was not part of his plan, he was flying by the seat of his pants, but needed to get into control.

The doctor looked at the man in front of him. He agreed that the hospital had no power to prevent Taron organising for you to be transferred to a private hospital. Firmly Taron told the doctor, this was his next step and to prepare to have you transferred. The doctor sighed, 

“And now I’d like to see my girlfriend, so I can prepare her and support her” The doctor was sure he would regret refusing and so agreed to give him 30 minutes. He led Taron through 5 locked doors and down several corridors. Taron grimaced as he followed the psychiatrist along the grim 70’s coloured walls and to the main nurse’s station. He collected a key from the desk and moved toward the room you were in.  
As he stepped aside, Taron’s heart broke. Seeing you curling up into the corner as if you wanted to disappear into it. He moved quickly to the side of the bed and reached out his hand to you. The psychiatrist reminded Taron that he would return in 30 minutes and moved away.  
“Hey y/n,” he said softly. You were hugging your knees, your head resting on them. When you saw Taron enter behind the doctor, you couldn’t believe it. But when he reached out his hand you grabbed it and scrambled to him.  
“You ok?” he said rubbing your back as he held you tight.  
“No” you muttered  
“No, I didn’t expect so,” he said softly.  
“Listen, I’m getting you transferred out of here,” he told you. You smiled thinking you were returning to Gemini. Seeing your excitement and understanding your mistake, Taron swallowed hard  
“Not to Gemini y/n, they want to assess you, because of the window thing sweetheart, maybe it’s a good idea,” he told you.  
“Where am I going then?” you asked worried now.  
“I’m getting you into a private place, it’ll mean less crazy asylum and more old fashioned hotel, plus if you are ok with me continuing to say I’m your next of kin, I can stop them making decisions, without you having a say” You smiled  
“I did find that intriguing, when they said my boyfriend was wanting to see me, I had to think quickly” you laughed  
“They wouldn’t have even spoken to me otherwise,” he said blushing.

“Thank you, Taron” you paused “but why are you doing all this for me?” you asked quietly  
“y/n you helped me, besides it’s what friends do for each other,” he said and pulled you into another hug,  
“Listen, they are only giving us 30 minutes, when I go back, I will get things moving, I need you to hold on in here until its arranged, can you do that for me?” he asked concerned.  
“I think so, now I know there is a way out” you admitted. The man returned; 30 minutes had gone so fast.  
Taron hugged you one more time, pressing a kiss on your cheek, he whispered into your ear  
“I’m going to kiss you now to make it look real, ok?” you nodded and as his lips touched yours, you felt it, a spark like fire. It was a short kiss, but it had all the love and passion you could imagine, as you separated your breath hitched, and as your eyes met you saw something in his eyes, that wasn’t there before. The doctor broke the moment, insisting Taron leave. You wanted to punch him and scream every swear word under the sun. But held back, knowing it could cause more problems. You would hold on.

Taron scowled at the man as he rolled passed, catching his toes under the wheels of his chair he apologized sarcastically. Turning to look at you as he left. He smiled and blew you a kiss. You settled on the bed, your mind turning to the kiss. daydreaming.  



	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

The following morning you were woken early, The transfer had been arranged and already a car had arrived to move you to the ‘Positive Steps convalescence care facility’. You got dressed and transferred to your chair as staff collected you belongings and a porter led you to the exit. You grinned as you saw Taron waiting by a large car with tinted windows. He returned the smile, though a little sadness lingered in his eyes.  
As you got close, he grabbed you hand and pulled you into another incredible kiss. You knew this again was meant to be to keep up appearances. But was beginning to enjoy the intimacy and taste of him. As you parted you felt that familiar flip in your stomach.  
“I wish you were coming with me” you whispered softly  
“Me too” he replied  
“But I will come see you soon” he sniffed  
“You better, and you’ll be out in no time Taron anyway. Just please do me a favour and get involved in the mental health side, learn by my mistakes” you told him earnestly.  
He nodded   
“okay” he breathed, he really was going to miss you, it seemed strange how close you had become in such a short space of time. But he knew how you had felt now when Amita had been discharged. He was going to have to put all his energy into getting out now, he knew that.  
He hugged you tightly as the staff became edgy and urged you into the car. You finally gave in and climbed out of the chair. Taron holding your hand still as your chair was placed in the boot of the car and the driver got into the front. Taron let go un-enthusiastically and shut the door. Rolling down the window, you gave him a sad smile;  
“I’m gonna spam your snapchat the entire journey” you told him  
“Good it’ll give me something to do while I’m in group” he laughed  
“I just realised I don’t even know where this place is.   
“Aber” Taron grinned you looked confused  
“my hometown” he smiled.  
\----  
The driver told you the journey was close to 4 hours and so it wasn’t long before you had fallen asleep. Not having forgotten your promise you had been swapping numerous images with all manner of comedy filters with Taron until it was time for his physio and had fallen asleep thinking about those kisses and what was possibly behind them.  
When you woke you were overcome by the breath-taking views from the car window.   
“Where are we?” you croaked to the driver  
“Some Welsh place” was all you got in reply. Resting your head against the seat belt you gazed through the window. You had grown up in London, the sight now mesmerising you were just impossible for someone from the city to take in the breath-taking beauty of. A smile appeared on your face, as a peace seemed to wash over you.  
Taking your phone and winding down the window, you began to snap and film snippets of video. Mountains covered in pine trees, twisting and dramatic turns of the winding road as the car navigated its way around the treacherously steep sides. Greenery as far as the eye could see, you gasped as you saw low lying mist simply resting halfway up a mountain in the distance at its base a waterfall cut into the scene, the water clear and blue rushing down the craggy ground.   
Even as the car passed the sign entering Ceredigion, there was little sight of humanity. Odd cottages appeared in amongst the forest. You sighed gently and closed your eyes. Thinking how clever Taron had been, he had clearly chosen this facility carefully, not simply found the cheapest or nearest to the Gemini unit. Maybe you thought you could finally get well here. For the first time you had hope for the future, even if you remained in the chair.   
And as you approached a set of wrought iron gates and began the drive up. You began to appreciate exactly what he had done for you. The facility was in fact an enormous mansion that had been adapted and now took private patients for ‘Rehabilitation’ of all kinds. To the right as you looked out of the window you saw the ocean and behind it the small town of Aber, a proper Welsh seaside town. Your eye was drawn to the castle ruins and a tall monument baring an angel at the peak.   
You mouth fell and remained open agog as you took in the beauty around you and again felt yourself exhale heavily as your whole body relaxed. This was beauty like you had never seen or experienced and you had to brush away the tears as all manner of emotion overtook you.  
The car pulled up in front of the grand entrance and the driver opened your door, bringing your chair around you climbed in and noticed a ramp to the right, using this to ascend passed the stairs. The door was opened for you and you thanked the smartly dressed doorman. Taron wasn’t wrong about this place being more like a luxury hotel. The driver brought in your bags and left you to it as a smiling woman approached  
“You must be y/n? We have been expecting you, would you like to follow me? she spoke with a smooth welsh accent which made you smile. The lady introduced herself as Miss Montgomery, she was the head of house for the part of the facility you were being placed in and that she was in charge of all non -medical concerns. She stopped some way down a long corridor and reaching into her pocket pulled out a key. Placing it in the lock the key clicked loudly and Miss M as you would come to refer to her as, pushed the heavy oak door open, holding it for you. You rolled under her arm and into an enormous room.  
The whole of one side was made up of glass windows. Light voiles hung from gold rails and heavier deep blue curtains were held back by golden coloured ropes at each side. Facing the window was a large four poster bed, it was high off the floor and from the dark ornate frame hung more of the blue curtains. The bed was made up with sheets and numerous pillows.   
As you took it all in Miss M, handed you a folder and encouraged you to read it thoroughly. Lunch would be served in half an hour and she gave you directions to the dining room. The porter arrived some minutes later and left your bags on wooden stand set up for suitcases. Then both of the staff left you to ‘settle in’ Taking a deep breath you walked to the window and took in the views. The waves crashed against the shoreline feet from the edge of the building and you watched the seagulls enjoying the air pockets as dog walkers made their way up and down the beach.  
You smiled. Then your smile slipped away as you thought about Taron and the Gemini wing. You would miss it and him like crazy. Snapping a few pictures of the room and view, you sent it over to him. Then wheeled over to the suitcase and unpacked. Placing your laptop on the desk on the other side of the bed. You set out your make – up and wondered about the bathroom. Looking around you saw the door. Opening it you found a pretty bathroom, a roll top bath with traditional gold feet stood proud in the centre. A pretty porcelain sink stood in one corner above which was an oval mirror framed with a gold rim. Three frosted glass portholes were the only natural light that came in, as a row of more modern lights shone from the ceiling.  
Taking all your cosmetics and toiletries into the room you finally felt relaxed. Climbing from the chair you pulled yourself onto the bed and began to read the information from the folder. You were part way through when your phone rang. Seeing the name on the screen your face lit up  
“So, I take it this is better than Lavender? Taron asked  
“Taron this place is incredible, I feel bad this must be costing you a fortune” you told him, having been so desperate to get out of that ward it was only now you had time to think that you considered how much a place like this must charge.  
“Don’t even think about that, just think about getting better ok?” Taron told her firmly.  
“Ok” you said softly knowing there was no point arguing. You and Taron chatted and filled each other in on what you’d been doing. But soon a bell rang for lunch and you had to end the call. As you headed down the corridor you noticed others emerging from their rooms and followed the crowd.  
“Hi, I’m Esther” A young woman walking next to you said. She seemed to be of a similar age and walked with crutches. Her arms were covered with severe self-harm scars and once again it reminded you that there are always those worse off then you. You introduced yourself warmly and made small talk with the woman as you arrive in the dining room. It was a large room, with long tables and chairs. The ceiling were very high and beautiful chandeliers that hung above everyone. The tables were laid with linen tablecloths and set out like a restaurant. A small menu was laid at each place and finding a seat you quickly scanned the menu.   
A young woman appeared at your side and took your order, it reminded you of Hogwarts, but without the school uniforms. Looking around no -one would ever know the reason any of you were here, you mused. Smiling still you exhaled for the millionth time. You were feeling relaxed and positive, maybe things were looking up.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three  
That night you stood looking out of the large window, the curtain pulled behind you. You watched the huge, strong waves as they crashed and somehow they seemed to mimic your anger, frustrations and you found yourself unable to take your eyes off the repetition, as wave followed wave onto the pebbled beach, turning to foam as it did so and disintegrated to nothing. You sighed heavily, it felt like a metaphor for your life, repeat pattern and think you were doing well then crash down to oblivion. You wished you had been able to do the things you were so adept at telling others would help. It would be so easy if you could only take your own advice.  
You sat down on the floor and rested your head against the glass. You could hear the deep roaring outside and somehow it seemed soothing. Closing your eyes, you pictured Taron back at Gemini. You were already feeling lonely and although you had chatted to Esther and she had introduced you to others. You yearned for familiarity, the unit had become home and you knew how things worked there, you knew everyone and here, now you were the newbie.  
You heard your phone ping; it had been pinging for a while now. You knew whoever it was, was going to end up worried but you couldn’t drag yourself away from the window. You knew too that whoever it was, was only going to make you feel more lonesome. It was easier to avoid than deal. As you recognised this though, you knew this was that same pattern as before.   
“Fuck it,” you thought “Change the pattern” you groaned and got off the floor, taking the phone and pulling back the bedsheets, you poked your legs into the tight linen, wriggling your legs to loosen it until you were under it more comfortably. Pulling the bedding up high and snuggling into the pillows, you looked at the phone. You blushed as you saw all of the ‘pings’ had come from Taron Snapchat and WhatsApp messages. They were as you expected increasing in worried tones.  
You tapped a reply into the latest WhatsApp message and the phone lit up with his name.  
“Thank god, I was worried there for a minute, why have you been ignoring me? he asked hurriedly   
“I was just busy Taron, sorry” you replied unenthusiastically, but for some reason, your stomach was flipping over again at the sound of his voice.   
“Ok, well you sound sad. Are you sure that you’re alright? He asked,   
“You can tell me you know?” he urged  
You smiled a little and let out another heavy sigh  
“I’m ok Taron, this place is amazing. I don’t want to sound ungrateful. But It’s just all new and I’m kind of missing the familiarity of the Gem and all you guys, I know no one here so…” you trailed off  
“I can understand that” he sighed too  
“That’s how I felt when I came here, but you soon made me feel welcome and part of things,” he said. You could hear the smile in his voice.   
“It is weird you not being here y/n I… miss your face” You were sure he was about to say you but had decided to change it last minute. You missed him too but understand how hard that was to say.  
“I miss you too,” you said instinctively and was relieved when again you heard him smile at the other end. The pair of you continued to talk for what felt like hours. Before you looked at the time and dragged yourselves away to sleep.  
Next morning, you saw several silly pictures waited for you. You chuckled and put the phone down. Stretching and yawning you heard the breakfast bell and headed out to the food hall. Esther had saved you a seat and when you sat down you were glad to feel better. You ate and chatted with Esther and two of her friends Gareth and Darwen. Hilarious twins.   
After breakfast was free time until 11 am when group therapies were being run, followed by therapy classes in the afternoon. You had skimmed through the folder so had a vague idea of how the place ran. You were to have an induction that morning so wouldn’t follow the normal routine, during this you would see your personal psychiatric specialist team, they would carry out many assessments and based on the results create a treatment plan. It all sounded very straight forward. Any physio or physical medical issues were usually booked to happen in the morning free time, which was annoying but made sense. So, from tomorrow you’d be shipped off to the physio again to be assessed and treatment plans created etc.   
This morning however you were assigned a ‘buddy’ Louise who showed you around and you would follow through her day. After lunch was the assessments, a bunch of online questionnaires and exercises. Then after the evening meal again was free. But activities were laid on, on Monday, Thurs and Friday. Things like movie nights and quizzes. Tonight, was Tuesday so nothing was planned and you were glad, you found yourself checking your phone and becoming hooked on hearing from Taron. You chided yourself for becoming too involved in him and tried to focus on Louise, but it was impossible. As she droned on and on about the history of the building and its architecture, you kept picturing his smile when you’d told him you missed him.  
Louise appeared glued to your side and even sat with you at dinner. You were polite and finally escaped back to your room. The phone was already flashing with Snapchat as you climbed into your nightclothes and settled in bed excitedly. Opening the app, you went through the pictures. You were confused as Taron seemed to be in a car and yet he hadn’t mentioned in the messages that he was going anywhere. You sat and thought for a moment, where would he be going? Surely, he’d say if he’d been discharged? Why wouldn’t he say if he was heading out with his family or something? It was all very strange.   
There was, of course, an easy answer, you hit the call button and the phone rang. And it rang and rang. No answer, you were disappointed but sent a snap anyway.   
You awoke with the sun streaming in through a gap in the heavy curtains, squinting at the clock you saw it was 8 am. Picking up the phone you felt bad, Taron must have been trying to get hold of you all night. You scanned the phone surprised. Nothing.  
You continued to dwell on this throughout breakfast as having taken your phone with you, you continued to check it constantly  
“What are you waiting for? Esther finally asked  
“Oh, it’s a boy” Darwen replied causing the three to laugh and tease you. You blushed but gave no details to them. Only that it was a friend and explained how he had suddenly gone quiet. They offered all manner of excuses to make you feel better. But still, once breakfast was finished you headed back to your room, pretending you needed to shower.   
You stopped at the door and looked for your key, dropping it on the floor  
“Shit” you moaned  
“Here” answered a voice, turning around you smiled  
“Thanks” you grinned  
“Taron???


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4   
Your wheelchairs clanged as you rushed toward him. The wheels hitting each other and your leg hit his calf.  
“Ouch, wow well that was some welcome? He laughed.  
“sorry” you mumbled into his neck as you pulled him tightly to you. Refusing to let go. Even you were surprising yourself at how much you needed this hug. You could feel Taron’s hand rubbing your upper back.  
“You ok,” he said softly  
“Uh-huh” you mumbled, you knew that he could tell that what you meant was, that you were now he was here. But you bit your tongue before you had actually said the words.  
You reluctantly let go and moved back, grabbing the bar on his armrest though, you dragged him into your bedroom and swung him into space next to the bed. Loudly laughing Taron grinned   
“Well this certainly accelerated quickly” he smiled  
“Not sure I expected to be dragged to your room quite so soon”  
You raised an eyebrow  
“It’s for privacy” you scowled playfully  
“Yeah, Yeah” he chuckled.   
“I saw you lock that door” he added, you blushed not realising he’d seen it. Transferring from your chair to the bed to be more comfortable, you patted the bed.  
“Come on then? you laughed  
“Seriously though, I didn’t think it would be good if someone walked in and saw I had a man in my room,” you told him, that’s why I locked the door, you just have a dirty mind,” you said. He climbed out of his chair and next to you. Pulling you to him and hugging you again, closer this time.  
“That’s better, bloody chair hugs are rubbish” he laughed  
It had taken you by surprise and you found yourself losing yourself in his scent and had to shake yourself as you stared at his neck feeling the urge to press your lips against the warm skin. Moving back, you felt your stomach flip as you saw he was also blushing.  
He coughed awkwardly before making small talk. Explaining how he had realised how much he missed being home and close to family. He was quite convincing as he tried to lie about his reasons for transferring to the same facility as you. You pondered on his words. You were sure that he had rehearsed this explanation more than a few times, he was clearly feeling anxious because he was shifting in place as he spoke and playing with his hands.   
You are being utterly ridiculous, you thought this is Taron fucking Egerton, multi-millionaire actor and celebrity. He was not thinking about you the way you think. Not a chance, no way. Your mind was whirling and you hadn’t heard half of what he was saying as that small voice of excited hope tried to butt into the self-talk.   
“But what if? it whispered.   
The conversation continued until the bell rang for lunch. You scooted back into your chair and smiled seeing how easily Taron moved into his own.   
“What? he asked seeing you.  
“It’s great seeing you and your chair have bonded” you grinned as he wheeled around.  
“I took your advice, I stopped seeing it as an embarrassment and more as a way to get to do what I want to do” he smiled softly.  
“Come on, let’s get food” you grinned  
You couldn’t stop the smile fixing on your face and began to sound like a tour guide as you excitedly pointed everything out to Taron as if you’d been there yourself for years. Taron watched intently taking in everything you said and tried to ignore the way he was drawn to your eyes and smile as you spoke at the fastest pace, showing your nerves. He too felt his jangling, he tried to push the thoughts down deep. The way he had struggled without you back at the Gemini unit and how good it had been to feel your body against his when you held each other.  
His eyelashes fluttered gently as he listened.   
“Sorry” you blushed  
“I just can’t believe you are actually here” you sighed taking a breath.   
You felt his hand in yours, squeezing it. Looking up slowly you saw he was smiling kindly. You remained locked momentarily in his eyes and he in yours.   
“Hey Y/N I wondered where you had gone to, but I see you’ve made a new friend,” Esther said, her Liverpool accent pricked Taron’s ears and he introduced himself and told her he had been born in Birkenhead, her accent reminding him of his family especially his mam. You sat a little out of the conversation and chided yourself for listening if only for a short second or two to the whispers that suggested a spark of something more than friendship was present between Taron and you.  
Watching him now talk with Esther, you admonished yourself for considering such a ridiculous notion. He was just being a friend, being friendly the same way he was with Esther now. But something else had begun in your belly, something distinctly green in colour. Fiery and not like you. You began to dislike the interaction in front of you, how easily Taron and Esther joked and chatted. You could feel your stomach roaring as his hand moved dangerously close to hers and his eyes looked into her eyes.  
Swallowing hard, you coughed a little too loudly  
“Well I am starving; I was just going to take Taron down for lunch,” you said firmly.   
Taron turned to you, you could see that he had noted the change in your tone and you tried quickly to calm yourself.   
“It was nice to meet you, Esther,” he said  
You smiled but the smile failed to show in your eyes as you tried to be friendly with Esther and said you’d see her later. Arriving in the dining hall you explained the process and found a table by the window with just space for two. An awkward atmosphere had now developed and you felt awful knowing it was your fault. Once you had ordered and the food arrived, you tried to make small talk.  
“Y/N? is everything ok? Taron said finally  
Looking up at him, you sighed. Shaking your head.  
“Of course, why wouldn’t it be? You replied sheepishly. But Taron just continued to look at you his eyebrows slightly raised.   
“Sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me” you gave in.   
“What is it? He asked “You can tell me” he added softly.  
You looked at him and wanted to groan loudly, But instead looked again at the table and moved your food around the plate with the fork.  
“I don’t know what to tell you Taron” you knew what it was, but how could you admit this to him?  
“Well it looked to me like you were jealous of me talking to your friend” he chuckled lightly.  
“Oh,” he stopped as he saw the expression you wish you could have stopped, on your face. You closed your eyes and cringed. But soon felt Taron’s hand on yours again.  
“Hey,” he said sweetly. You raised your head a little to look at him. He was smiling.  
“It’s ok,” he said. “I didn’t know that you were the jealous type. He teased. Pouting embarrassed, you groaned.   
“Taron don’t, I’m embarrassed enough” you grimaced  
“Don’t be, your cute when you’re jealous” he smiled again. Making you chuckle. Again, you found yourself drawn into his eyes as you sat together in a trance, lost in each other.   
The moment was broken by the waiter arriving to collect the plates.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
Returning to Gemini was harder than Taron has expected. He lay on his bed a book opened next to him, but all he could do was stare at the empty bed across the room. He fell into a daydream and closed his eyes. When he woke up, his heart leapt as he saw a figure in the bed. He smiled and quickly pulled himself into his chair, rolling over he stopped suddenly. Glancing at the foot of the bed was a pair of men’s boots. He heard the figure snore loudly and move position.  
Taron didn’t think twice, he spun around and headed to the garden. Reaching the benches, he looked around to ensure he was alone. Reaching into a bush he pulled out a 2-litre water bottle. Spun the cap off and glugged the liquid down. The vodka hit his senses as it hit his stomach and he sighed in relief. Closing his eyes, he smiled as he thought about the time, he’d first seen you. You and Amita had been gossiping about him and he’d been worried that his secret was out. But as he watched you talk; he was impressed by the way you spoke.  
He opened his eyes and stared into the darkness, chugging more of the sharp liquid. He felt the familiar sensations, his body relaxed and calmed. He finished the bottle and threw it at a bin, missing by millimetres he shrugged. Pulling out a cigarette he lit it and sucked in the heavenly nicotine.   
\------  
When you woke the next morning, the sun was in your eyes. The curtain not fully pulled shut had let a shaft of the bright morning sun through and it had directly placed itself in range of your closed eyes. Covering them with your hand, you groaned at the breakfast bell. It was Saturday surely you could get a lie-in, you thought.  
A smile spread across your face as you remembered that Taron was here. Shoving the sheets off you rolled over and opening your pillbox threw your meds into your throat, chugging the rest of the water in the glass on your bedside table. You smiled again, sighing wistfully as you imagined waking up to him laid next to you. You dressed in what you’d already laid out. It had taken ages for you to finally settle on an outfit, frustrated at yourself. You finally arrived at a cute smock dress and tights with your knee-high boots and a gilet. You looked at yourself in the mirror, hoping that you looked cute and French plaited your hair. You applied a light slick of mascara and hoped you didn’t look like you had tried too hard.  
There was a knock on the door and opened it with a broad smile. Which dropped when you saw Taron, reversing to allow him inside you again locked the door behind him. He looked dishevelled and crashed his chair into the bedside table, ignoring the items he knocked on the floor, he clambered awkwardly onto the bed and groaned.  
You rolled round to the opposite side and climbed up next to him, the smell hit you and recognising the stink of stale alcohol was surprised to see his eyes bloodshot and framed with dark circles. He looked pitiful.  
“Good Morning? You asked running your finger down his cheek.  
He heaved a heavy sigh and moved toward you burying his head in your neck. He groaned again.   
“This … this is good” he mumbled  
“What happened? How are you hungover? Where did you get any booze? You chuckled  
“Brought my own” he muttered. His hands wrapped around your waist held you tightly. You let yourself relax into him, it worried you that he was in such a state. But hoping that it was just his way to let off steam. It was then you felt his lips press onto your neck. Your eyes widened before the glorious sensation hit you, whimpering involuntarily as he continued around and down your chest. His hand appeared suddenly on your thigh and rose under your skirt. Grabbing it you held it in place as he groaned into your neck  
“C’mon y/n I know you want to? He slurred  
Removing his hand, you sat up.   
“Oh, I do, do I? you replied shocked and appalled  
“Fine, I will find someone who will, I’m fucking famous I can get any fucking woman I want, I’m a fucking catch” he shouted falling backwards off the edge of the bed and hitting his head on the footrest of the wheelchair.  
“Fuck” he moaned  
“Don’t expect me to help” You slumped against the headboard. This was not how you expected today to go or how you wanted to be with Taron. You sulked as you heard the grunts and groans from the floor.   
“Ok y/n I need your help” he finally whispered   
You sighed and peered over the side of the bed; Taron looked at you embarrassed. You reached your hands out and he took them, letting you help to pull him back onto the bed.  
“Damn woman that’s some upper body strength” he tried to break the tension. Closing his eyes, he sighed again  
“I’m sorry, that was … I was out of order” he grimaced  
“I’m an arse, y/n seriously I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing” he replied dismally.  
You turned to him and that he was fighting the tears that were winning escaping the corners of his eyes. You pulled yourself over to him and running your fingers through his hair pulled him to you and held him.  
“Let’s ignore what just happened, this time T,” you told him, feeling his nod on your shoulder as his tears dribbled down your neck. You laid there for a while, just holding him.   
“Taron, is this why you really got transferred? You asked  
Pulling back quickly he stared at you as if you had somehow found out his deepest and darkest secret. His nod was almost imperceptible.   
“Taron, I want you to listen to me. I am your friend and I love you to bits. You can tell me anything and I will never breathe a word. I will be here when you need me, but do not ever do what you just did to me again if you want to continue being my friend” you replied. “Or any other woman for that matter” you added. He looked utterly bereft and you could see the hangover taking over.   
“Thank you, y/n, I am really sorry; I promise I will never risk our friendship again,” he said sincerely. Kissing you on the cheek. Though you felt relieved a part of you worried that you’d cut your nose off despite your face and scuppered any chance of romance with him.  
Despite it being definitely inappropriate you couldn’t deny that you felt things you knew you shouldn’t.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six  
It was some time before Taron woke, he turned and saw a line of hairsprays, bottles of perfumes, make – up and nail varnishes in an array of colours. He lay on his back, then noted something soft on his waist as he ran a hand down his body, he felt your hand resting on his stomach. He completed the turn and saw you laid curled up sleeping next to him. It was dark and he stretched his neck to look at the bedside clock. It was 8 pm. The last thing he remembered was talking to you, talking in a way he had never done before. It was as if you had unlocked something and it all just poured out without hesitation or fear.   
He lay and watched you breathing softly, the rise and fall of your body. His eyes roamed from your hair across your closed eyes and soft murmuring lips. He sighed heavily feeling suddenly as though his presence was inappropriate or at least the way he was savouring taking in your sleeping form and the feelings he felt stirring. He swallowed and moved to sit, pulling his chair toward him, he slipped across into it and pulled the sheet higher to cover you.  
“People will think we are shagging if you sneak out at this hour” you muttered, making Taron jump  
“I thought you were asleep and maybe it would be better that I went now than in the morning” he added resting his chin on the mattress in-line with yours.  
“You don’t have to go” you smiled softly  
“I do” he looked down at the bed  
“It’s calling to you? isn’t it? You sat up groggily.  
Taron didn’t answer, but you knew you were right, the lack of an answer was the biggest one you could have received. You reached across space and he met your hand with his. Still, he avoided your eyes  
“I wish I could do something T, Tell me what I can do to help”  
“I wish I knew y/n” he looked up and as your eyes met, you could see the pain in them.  
“Listen to the professionals then, please and keep talking to me, I won’t ever nag you to stop or berate you Taron. But this is an illness and you need to accept your sick, nothing will work until you can do that” you told him.  
He nodded “Best get moving,” he said as his head dropped again avoiding looking directly at you. He kissed the back of your hand.  
“Thank You” and with that, he was gone.  
You dropped back on the bed and sighed. Frustrated at your own lack of knowledge and skills to help Taron. You reached over and collected up your phone, googling the ways to help an addict. You realised as you read that you knew most of what was said from counselling and number one on everything was that until the addict wanted help, you had no option but to be there when they did and in the meantime watch whilst they spiralled and hit rock bottom.  
He rolled along the corridor, the words echoing in his head and reached his door quicker than he expected. He opened the door and was shocked. The room was now spotless. When he had left it, it had been a horror show. An open suitcase was previously sat in the middle of the room, clothes were strewn across the room from it, bottles of vodka and whiskey had been rolled under the bed, hidden on top of the wardrobe and numerous other places. But finished ones were discarded on all the surfaces in the bedroom and bathroom. The bedsheets had been pulled off and roughly thrown back on pillows in disarray. Cigarette ends and an ashtray had been upended on the bedside table.   
But none of it was here now, the bed was clean and made, the suitcase emptied fully and placed under the bed, no bottles and no mess was visible. He rolled into the bathroom and again no sign of the vomit and yet more bottles that had been there the last time he’d been in there. It was all just as if it had never happened. Then he saw it, a folded piece of paper on the bed. He rolled over and recognised the handwriting immediately.  
It read;  
Room inspection today, thought I ought to see what your room was like seeing you had fallen asleep, so as it looked like the gates of hell in here you will see I have dealt with it for you, next time though I will let you get take the consequences. y/n xxx  
He smiled and shook his head embarrassed. He looked again at the room and imagined your face seeing it as it had been. As a metaphor for his mind, it was more than embarrassing. It was another reason to finally accept things were bad and not going to get better without help. There was a knock on the door.  
“Hi Taron, we are all going to sneak out to take in the town, if you fancy it,” Esther said smiling brightly.   
You looked out at the ocean waves and couldn’t help feeling you owed him to at least try and help, after all, he had done to get you to this place.  
Your phone pinged and opening it you saw a snap from Esther, your face darkened as you took it in. Pictured was Esther in a pub in town with some of the others from the wing, but behind her, a familiar figure took her attention. Taron, a bottle of beer in one hand as he was enjoying a very hands-on moment with a girl with striking blue hair. You dropped the phone onto the bed and shut the laptop.

The following morning, you were installed on the minibus that delivered everyone to their daily physio appointments. You were shattered, not having slept properly. Images of Taron and the blue-haired girl stubbornly refused to leave you. He was yet to arrive and a porter had gone to check on him.   
“probably in her bed still” you mumbled inaudibly  
“What was that? He answered making you jump  
“Were you talking to me? he added a soft, tired smile showing on his face. You shook your head and plugged your headphones in. You turned to stare out of the window. But felt a hand on your knee and earphone pulled from your ear.  
“Y/N? he said, his face was screwed up in confusion  
“I’m tired Taron” you replied and replaced the headphone, turning to the scene outside, the bus began its short journey. Taron didn’t push you further, instead followed your lead and began to listen to music on his phone. You could feel that he was paying as little attention as you were though and he was obviously glancing in your direction every few moments.  
Once you arrived at the hospital, the porter took each patient out at a time and left them to continue in whilst he attended to the next. Once you were left on the pavement you felt your chair being yanked and you were dragged out of view of the bus.  
“What the actual Taron? You huffed   
“Shh come on” he insisted and followed him out of the gates and onto the main road.   
“Where are we going? Taron physio? You shouted   
“This is a physio, come on” he shouted behind  
You sighed and let him lead you down the steep hill and into the small-town centre. Where you drew up next to him. Pulling the break on his chair, he stopped abruptly.  
“Enough, I’m going no further until you explain” you griped  
He thought momentarily as his eyelashes flickered, he looked back up at you  
“I just wanted to show you around and at some point, maybe you’d tell me how I have pissed you off? He said  
You looked at him and again the picture came into your head.   
“Ok c’mon then, what have you got to show me? you told him. He smiled leading you off a side street and through a few more residential back streets until you saw the ocean ahead. Leading you down a short beach lane you arrived at a small beach. The pebbles make actually going onto the beach impossible but you were able to get onto the concrete pier. The place was almost deserted and it was truly beautiful. You both pulled up at the end of the pier nearest the car park and took it all in. Taron had pulled up close to you and now wrapped an arm around your shoulder as he pointed across the bay to a large building alone on the peninsula.  
“That’s positive steps” he pointed out  
You looked at him and back at the building.   
“That’s” you began   
“yep”  
“Wow, it is isolated, isn’t it? You added  
Taron left his arm around your shoulder  
“What did I do? Taron asked quietly “Whatever it was please tell me?  
He asked and you turned to face him. You really wanted to always be honest, but how could you tell him that you were crazy jealous. So instead you scrolled through the phone and passed him the picture, it had been zoomed in and isolated him and the Blue girl. He took in the picture, his face reflecting his confusion.  
He handed the phone back and dropped his head.  
“I shouldn’t have gone to the pub, I know” he sighed. You studied his face and it dawned on you that he hadn’t understood at all. He had only seen the fact that he was drinking as a problem.  
You couldn’t help but smile at this and he noticed  
“What? he asked  
“I promised I would never be mad or nag you for drinking Taron,” you told him  
“Then, I don’t get it,” he said looking perplexed. You looked into his eyes and waited for the penny to drop.   
“The girl with blue hair” you muttered and blushing looked out at the waves. Taron watched you for a few minutes as he processed this.  
“I don’t remember doing that,” he said  
He took your hand   
“Y/n I’m sorry,” he said sweetly and reached overturning your face to his.  
“I really am,” he said earnestly. You blushed again and became locked in his eyes. The wind was getting up and the cold was beginning to get into you. But you didn’t want to move.   
“It's none of my business who you kiss Taron, I’m not you…. “You couldn’t finish the sentence.   
“Do you want to be? He asked you were taken aback.  
“I … I… is that a rhetorical question or an offer? You croaked  
Taron chuckled y/n “I would very much like it if you would be my girlfriend,” he asked “Clearer? He added  
A silly grin spread across your face. As you managed a giddy nod. Dropping your head onto his shoulder. He laughed too as you raised your head though he took your chin in his hand and moved forward.  
As your lips met, you felt such excitement that your stomach rotated a million times, the world seemed to stop. Just the soft touch of his lips on yours, the melting kiss that tasted of nicotine and orange juice was shorter than you had wanted to leave you desperate for more. It was a short, sweet kiss and as you parted. You stared into his eyes, wondering if it were all a dream and you would soon wake to the disappointment of just another day.


	7. Chapter 7

Roll with it.  
Chapter Seven

At Dinner, that evening, Taron and you exchanged knowing smiles and between mouthfuls of his meal, Taron rested his hand on your knee. You couldn’t stop the butterflies that went nuts each time he did so.

“So, c’mon then tell us all about it? Esther said finally

“You two are like a pair of giddy bloody teenagers, who kissed who? who asked who out? She added

Darwen and Gareth turned and grinned at you. You could feel your cheeks flush and the heat radiated from you. Dropping your head, you glanced up under your eyelashes. Taron meanwhile looked like the cat that got the cream.

“I never kiss and tell,” he told them, taking your hand under the table he squeezed it and leant over kissing you on the cheek. He chuckled making you laugh.

“Well, I think that tells us all we need to know” Gareth laughed too.

“So are you two going to be all soppy around each other now, Eugh” Esther was letting her jealousy show a little bit too much. You thought, but kind of enjoyed it. You squeezed Taron’s hand back and he smiled at you softly. It felt amazing that he was happy to just put it right out there, you and he were a couple now and he was happy for everyone to know it.

It lifted you off your feet and as you made your way back to your rooms, you felt as if you were floating. When you arrived at your room you and Taron said goodnight to the others.

“Are you coming in? you asked shyly. Taron looked at you

“maybe for cwtch? He smiled and relieved you opened the door, this time he locked it behind him. You rolled the chair into its usual night-time position and Taron used the bathroom, while you got undressed and waited for him. He rolled out and smiled setting his chair next to the bed, he climbed on and reached for his laptop from the pocket of his rucksack that was hung on the back of his chair.

Meanwhile, you disappeared into the bathroom and got cleaned up, you considered whether you ought to remove your make-up. Deciding that if things went the way you hoped you’d rather he saw you sans make-up as opposed to smeared across your face having slept in make-up. You took a deep breath as you came out, you saw that Taron’s jeans were folded onto his chair seat. You swallowed hard now relishing the fact that he was now in just boxers and a t-shirt. You were clearly of the same mindset as to what you both wanted tonight.

You moved across the room and got into bed, pulling the folded back sheet over your legs. Taron put the laptop onto the seat of his chair on top of the jeans. Turning back to you, he smiled as his arm reached around your waist and pulled you closer to him.

Your breathing increased and you hoped that he wasn’t able to feel your heart beating as hard as it was. Nervously you reached up and stroked his cheek and he leant into you and kissed you sweetly, his lips didn’t leave yours though. Instead, they pressed firmer and melted into yours. Your hand moved to his neck and into the short hair at the nape of his neck. He sighed happily as your fingers stroked his skin.

Continuing to kiss but moving to lean a different way, you caressed his lips with your own, indulging in his soft round lips. With one arm remaining around your waist holding you still, his other moved to hold your head as he deepened the kiss further and you felt the tip of his tongue as he tested whether he could intensify things further. Parting your lips, you gave into him and urgency for each other took over. His hand dropped caressing your upper arm it travelled across to your breasts and he hovered gently above them. Until your hand simultaneously moved into his hair and scratching his scalp, your tongue joined his. Moving your body so that your breast moved into his resting hand he held it firm. Groaning into your lips.

He dropped from the kiss onto your neck as your head fell back, allowing him full access. He sighed naturally as you slipped the thing strap of your nightdress off your arm and then the same with the other.

“Are you sure? He asked softly. You nodded smiling

“Are you kidding, I have wanted to do these as far back as I can remember, even before we met” you grinned.

He moved back up and kissed you again, his hand in your hair. You returned to kissing again. He hands caressed your breasts as yours ran down his body, exploring his arms, chest, shoulders and back. Massaging his muscles with your fingertips. He raised his head sweeping your cheek with his, he rested his head against yours.

“I don’t know what I can and can’t do? he admitted tentatively

“Well, why don’t we find out? You answered, “Take it slow and test it all out” you smiled reassuringly

He looked concerned

“You don’t need to look so scared Taron, this is new for me too, Let's do this one step at a time,” you told him.

He nodded, looking less worried

“one thing though, We have to forget all we know about it and how we once were, this is another one of those frustrating but exciting moments T, we get to explore ourselves again and learn what works and what doesn’t, be honest with me don’t pretend something good when it’s not”

He kissed you softly

“If there is one thing I know, it’s that I can be completely honest with you y/n,” he told you, his eyes were soft and stole your whole focus. Falling into them was so easy and you took the time to lose yourself in them as he spoke

“I can’t feel it” he admitted “My dick, erections, when I cum nothing,” he said. “I get hard, but I don’t feel it” he sighed.

“Ok, well I was like that, to begin with too, can I try something? You offered. Taron looked sad but nodded. You smiled and kissed him hard, pressing your lips against him he gave an involuntary groan as you slipped a hand under the waistband of his boxers. He was already hard, you could feel that even as you stroked above his penis, you massaged the area around his shaft and underneath, cupping his balls and lightly massaging them. You heard his gasp as you did so and looked at him. The smile on his face told you your idea was working and he looked at you with grateful eyes.

Sliding his boxers off you kissed his stomach as his hands ran through your hair, you massaged the base of his shaft as you took him into your mouth and using your tongue teased the tip. You knew immediately from the tension in his body that he couldn’t feel you. You took yourself away from him and kissed up his body. You could see his disappointment and knew his ego was taking hit after hit.

You decided now was a good time to talk about something you had already got.

“Taron, I have something I can maybe try. But it’s not exactly sexy or spontaneous. It’s an injection that bypasses the nerves that affect sexual function. Basically, it allows you to feel to cum but lasts only a short time, like 5-10minutes.

Taron was taken aback

“And why do you have these? He asked smiling to lighten the mood, which you appreciated.

“Let’s just say I have explored some of this stuff already. I need to say I’ve not used these myself. But Amita and her boyfriend did, they raved about them, there is no pressure. I am happy to just keep doing what we are, but it’s there if you wanted it. You told him

“Babe, people have been disabled for generations, you think none of them ever wanted to have sex? We are humans and we are as innovative as anyone else, if we want it darling there is a way, clever disabled people have created and are still creating so much stuff for us, nothing T, not even this is impossible” You took a deep breath, it was something you were so passionate about and knew you had gone off on one.

But Taron looked proudly at you

“You’re cute” he smiled

“Show me this thing” he added

“really? you said smiling

“Why not? He said

You lay your hand on his cheek, kissing him.

“I know that being a man isn’t all about your cock and balls, but I get how much it must hit your self-esteem not being able to feel it all. Babe, you are still a man” you smiled “A very sexy man, I want you to know that. Whether you can feel it physically or not, I want you to fuck me and I will show you that you can still make a girl scream”

He coughed, laughing awkwardly at how direct you were being. It was turning him on too and as he thought momentarily at your eyelashes as they framed your blue eyes, your plump, pink lips as you licked them. He grinned and taking your waist once again you kissed once again.

This was much sexier now, harder and his tongue was like a snake as is whipped around yours. Both hands on your waist he lifted you to straddle him. You gasped holding on to his biceps, you squeezed them, dropping your head to his neck, you bit the skin lightly.

“That was hot, you’re so strong” you growled as you reached behind feeling for his erection, you guided him into you. feeling his girth, you moaned and bit your lip, feeling the fullness of him in you for the first time. His eyes now dark with lust, held your waist as he lifted himself high enough to take your nipple into his mouth as he sucked and bit them each in turn. You felt his hands moving your hips and realised you could at the very least move enough together to help him to thrust in and out, hitting your G-spot and Clit perfectly you whimpered as he pressed deeply in and teased you coming out and then only partly in, setting your buttons off, your head dropped back and your hair cascaded down as he alternated between caressing your breasts and using his hands pushed off the mattress to gain speed as soon you felt a sensation, something different.

“Oh god Taron don’t stop, god I’m coming” you screamed

“Fuck me, fuck! You groaned as it hit, running through your entire body, it sizzled, euphoria erupted at the point where your bodies. Met and you felt Taron shortly after twitch and the cool liquid poured into you. As panting and grinning, you dropped onto his chest. His hand on your back, he panted hard too.

“I felt it, Shit y/n I think I felt something, not much but something, like pins and needles. Shortly after you came” he breathed

“You came, you did, you felt yourself coming to Babe,” you told him beaming, he kissed you hard again, his face screwed up in excitement.

“That was mental, I mean amazing, so good” he babbled

“It was you sighed, stroking the side of his jaw as you lay on his shoulder”

He pulled the sheet over you both and together you moved him out of you and back to lay tightly together. His arms wrapped around your waist as one finger trailed up and down your spine gently. You stared dreamily at him, absentmindedly stroking his cheek and now and then kissing his jaw and neck.

“You are incredible y/n thank you,” he said softly

“I think that was all you T, you are incredible,” you told him. He smiled softly. You hoped that you were beginning to help him change his mindset and this was just the beginning of your bright plans and clever tricks. You too felt your own head was coming round to the idea that you could be a sexual, beautiful even human and be in the chair. It was easy to fake it during the day when you had to, but nowhere in Taron’s arms, you wondered if you could actually begin to accept this new you, just as you were trying to get Taron to do so


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight  
A light was irritating you in your sleep, you heard muffled noises and opened your eyes. The time on the led clock face cleared, 2 am it read. You saw the source of the light was the bathroom.  
Hearing Taron moaning and huffing, you called out groggily  
“Taron, you ok? this was met with silence, you climbed out of bed and using the wall and furniture stumbled to the bathroom. Pressing the door open, Taron was sat on the bathroom floor. He looked up as you entered.  
He was hiding something in the hoodie he now wore, when had he dressed you thought noticing he was wearing his jeans and trainers too. You didn’t speak but turned and returned to the bed.  
A short time later, you saw the light from the bathroom shortly light up the room, before snapping off. You heard the sound of rubber wheels on the carpet and felt the depression of the mattress as someone climbed into the bed next to you. Taron sighed and closed his eyes as soon as his head hit the pillow.  
You didn’t need the smell to tell you what was going on, you knew it simply by the look of alarm in Taron’s eyes when you had opened that bathroom door. You knew too there was no point talking about it. It was a waste of breath. You chided yourself for being in any way surprised about his behaviour. He was clearly addicted and to the point in which he was probably still denying it even to himself. To challenge him now would only cause conflict and you had had enough of that in your life to last forever.  
You lay next to him, eyes closed breathing heavily and felt his arm slip around your waist. Moving back toward his body, you let yourself savour the feel of his closeness. Allowed that intimacy cloud your mind and as his grip tightened and you felt his lips on your neck. You let what had happened to disappear into the back of your mind. His breathing became softer and soon both of you had fallen asleep. Pretending it all away.  
\------  
When you woke the next morning, Taron was tucked into you, his head laid on your stomach and both arms wrapped protectively around you. His hair was scruffy and he looked peaceful as his chest rose and fell gently. You ran a finger through the spikey strands of hair that stood at odd angles. He really was pretty to look at your thought.  
A dangerous thing that, easy to charm you with a look you continued to muse. As you closed your eyes and began to allow yourself to wake gently, the morning breakfast bell rang out, startling Taron and making you chuckle.  
“Fucking thing” he grumbled. Lifting his head, he noticed his position and thought momentarily before moving to rest his head back on the pillow, loosening the grip he had.  
“Sleep well,” you asked leaning your head to lay on top of his.  
“mmm,” he mumbled. Stretching his arms above his head, he groaned again and opened his eyes. They twinkled in the morning light as he smiled a sad smile.  
“I’m sorry” he breathed, his face steady and focussed on yours. You nodded, not wanting to think about anything but the beautiful man you were laid with. Wanting reality to wait a while longer. Wishing Taron hadn’t bothered apologising.  
He kissed your neck sweetly and sat, stretching again.  
“Breakfast? He asked, rubbing his hands together eagerly. You laughed and watched as he pulled himself into his chair.  
“I better go shower and change,” he said and with that disappeared.  
A melancholy descended on you, as you showered you let the water run over your body and face. As if it could wash all of your troubling thoughts and feelings away with it. You washed and dried yourself, Pulling on warm clothes and boots you looked out at the rolling hills and ocean. It was remarkably calm and sunny. The Autumn had already rolled into winter and you knew it would be freezing, but here and now it could be a hot day outside, only the bare trees gave it away. What a metaphor you thought. As you sighed heavily and made your way out to breakfast.  
Breakfast went by in a blur, Taron failing to appear in the food hall. You allowed the conversation to float over your head, but interjected at all the right places, to not be obvious about the way you felt.  
Now you were rolling down the path, navigating the roots and bits of natural debris that lay in your way. You breathed in the strong, cold air and listened to the waves as they dashed to the shore. Pulling up at a spot with a view of Aber. You stopped and remembered that kiss on the pier. Right across the water, the spot was empty, but all along the way we couples. Taking advantage of the romance of the spot to enjoy time with each other.  
You dropped your eyes and wiped away the tears that the bitter winter wind had drawn from them. It was then you noticed a black wallet in the foliage at the side of the trail. Reaching down you picked it up and opened it. Amazed you saw Taron’s driving licence picture looking back at you.  
Confused you sat holding the open wallet in your hands. Wondering how the wallet could have ended up here. He certainly hadn’t mentioned it being lost. You ran through it checking what was in it, whether any cash was in it. What you found was another surprise and your mind reeled. A used condom wrapper was shoved into the section where normally paper notes were kept.  
It was now it dawned on you, You and Taron had not used anything. This wrapper was a smack in the face. Not only was there the possibility now that you had screwed up massively by having unprotected sex but clearly Taron had been sleeping with someone and used this.  
You rolled back to your room in a daze, completely ignoring everyone and everything around you. You arrived in the bedroom and threw the wallet onto your bed. Gasping, as a panic attack too hold. You dropped out of your chair and curled up at the end of the bed, pulling the sheets off it and on top of you. You rocked back and forth; eyes closed as tears poured down your face. Images whirled and flashed through your main as a trance came over you and you disassociated from the world around you. You pulled the sheets above your head until you were curled into the foetal position and with breaths hard and fast became sick and dizzy. Your heart pounding in your chest felt like it would explode.

Hours later you woke, the room dark but with a silvery moonlight that allowed you to make out the gist of the room. You un-wrapped and threw the crumpled mess of bedding onto the bed. Pulling yourself up onto it, you saw the wallet discarded and opening the side table threw it inside. You didn’t have the energy to think about anything now. You felt your phone vibrate in your hoodie front pocket, pulling it out you were zoned out and looked unenthusiastically at the screen. 6 missed calls from Taron. You sighed and opened it, deleting the alerts. You moved onto the internet and ordered a multiset of pregnancy tests, before dropping the phone on the bed and curling up back in the bedding. Dragging the hood of your hoodie over your straggly hair, you lay staring into space.  
What the hell had you done to yourself? You chewed the inside of your mouth. The more you tried to ignore the wallet and the condom wrapper. The more you saw Taron explaining it in your mind, each explanation plausible, to the naive you laughed each time. Despite it trying to justify and create a legitimate reason, you deep down knew the truth. Taron was a liar.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine  
You ignored the texts and decided to avoid the breakfast hall. Instead, you rang a cab and headed into town to eat. Sipping your coffee, you mulled over how to handle this new information. Your phone buzzed in your pocket and you knew you Taron was going to know something was wrong. You reached into your pocket and answered with a curt but polite  
“Hi”   
“At last, why have you been ignoring my calls? You had me really worried, I ended up telling the bloody matron, whatever her name is” Taron garbled down the phone as you listened, unmoved.  
“Where are you? he asked, hearing the noise of the café in the background.  
“Some cafés in town,” you told him, ignoring all the rest of what he had said.  
“Ok, are you alright? You sound strange? He asked  
“I’m fine thanks” you replied “Is there anything else? You asked keeping your voice emotionless and monotone.  
“Do you want company? Taron asked  
“Not particularly,” you told him. There was silence, an awkward amount of time passed between you.  
“Well I will see you when you get back then, I guess,” he said, though it sounded like a question.  
“Mmm” you replied  
“Bye then,” he said and you hung up.

Finishing the meal, you decided to take a walk along the promenade and take in the fresh air. Hoping your mind would be clearer. It was cold and soon the wind cut at your cheeks. You dialled the cab company and decided to head back. You had a therapy session that afternoon anyway and knew you needed to talk about the panic attack.  
You watched the small-town turn into the countryside and soon arrived back at the Hall. You paid the driver and was about to get out when she turned to you  
“Oh, hang on, a guy I picked up the other night let me borrow this, could you give it to him, think his name was Darren? Blonde hair, blue eyes. She said handing you a grey hoodie. You were hit with that familiar scent of Taron and mumbled an ok and that you’d hand it over, before hurriedly rolling into to the building.   
You hated how the smell made you think of him, how cosy you knew he felt in the hoodie and hated your brain for flashing such amazing, sweet things into your brain. As you rounded the corner, you saw him. He was sat with his chair back against your door, with a book in his hands, he looked exceptionally attractive with his glasses on and focussed. Damn you admonished yourself.  
As you approached, he glanced up and back to the book. Then quickly up again as his mind clicked. You dropped your gaze and softly asked to get passed and into the room. Taron moved slowly and as you opened the door, strategically placed a section of his wheel in the door, to stop you shutting it on him. You sighed seeing this and stopped.  
Looking into your eyes, you felt your resolve begin to wane and not wanting to have any conversation spread around reluctantly rolled into the room and toward the two high back chairs near the window. You pulled yourself up and took off your coat dropping it onto the back of the chair, you sat down and stared at the horizon.  
Meanwhile, Taron following you stopped and waited. Seeing you sit he took the other chair and for a while that awkward silence descended once again.  
“So, is this it then? I take it this is your way of ending it” He asked defensively  
You continued to stare into the distance, pretending that hearing those words out loud didn’t hurt as much as they did. After all, you’d been a couple less than a week.  
Clearing your throat, you mumbled  
“I think you made that decision for me, don’t you?   
Taron frowned “What? What decision? Y/N I am baffled here, this isn’t like you, you’re the one always nagging at me to talk and I don’t understand, please,” he said taking one of your hands, you pulled away instantly. He looked hurt and you were glad, you were so angry and hurt and frustrated.  
“Is this about the other night? The bathroom” he asked   
You turned back toward him but avoiding his face not wanting to see those beautiful features you knew would draw you back in. Instead, you took a great deal of interest in the condition of your fingernails and stared and played with your hands instead.  
You shook your head  
“Taron, you want to pretend you haven’t got a problem with booze, that’s fine, I mean until you realise it yourself, I can’t help you anyways” you huffed  
“Then what is it? Why are you being like this?” he dropped his head into his hands. Sighing heavily again.  
“Taron I’m too tired for all this right now” you again used the furniture to travel to the bed and climbed in, hoping he wouldn’t follow. If he even touched you lightly you knew you would crumble.  
“So, I’m just meant to go, now am I? no explanation? Nothing?” he growled and climbed back into his chair moving to the side you lay, he stopped himself stroking your cheek, though he desperately wanted to.  
“Btw your wallets in the draw of my bedside table,” you told him coldly. You rolled over to the opposite side of the bed and noticed a package on the bedside table. As it hit what the package probably contained, you felt Taron climb onto the bed next to you.  
Quietly he asked   
“Where did you find this? You rolled back and pushed yourself up against the pillows. Down the side of the building, there is a little dirt track. It was in the undergrowth. Oh, and er, the taxi driver I had on the way back gave me your hoodie, said you let her borrow it Tuesday night” You let your words sink in.  
You heard Taron swallow and climb back off the bed, he collected the hoodie and rolled toward the door. You sat still and holding in the tears, but suddenly without warning a loud sob escaped. Turning swiftly Taron knocked the package off the side.  
“Shit” he mumbled and picked it up, as he did his eye travelled across the label. He looked at you and climbed straight back onto the bed. He didn’t say a word but pulled you toward him. You tried to push him back but shushing you he held firm.  
“It’s okay, Please y/n please” he begged until you gave into him and began sobbing into his shoulder.  
Pushing him back you punched his chest  
“Arsehole” you shouted hitting him again  
“Stop” he pleaded grabbing and holding your wrists. Your eyes met and he saw the hurt in them, letting go. He closed his and dropped his head.  
“God, I am so sorry” he whined. “Please let me explain” he urged looking at you again.  
“What’s to explain you fucked me, then got bladdered and fucked the taxi driver? What was wrong with her cab? Was it like hotter to fuck her outdoors? You added snidely.  
“I don’t know what happened, y/n I know that’s not good enough, but it’s true” he admitted  
“Yes, I did sneak off and go to get a drink, but I remember nothing after that, I don’t know how my wallet ended up where you found it or who this fucking taxi person is? Please you have to believe me y/n I didn’t sleep with her, I wouldn’t do that. You mean too much to me” he tried  
“Then why was there a used condom wrapper in your wallet? You asked returning to the monotone, trancelike state of earlier.  
Taron sat and thought about it  
“You went through my wallet? He asked angrily  
“To find out who’s it was, I did, yeah” you replied tersely. Taron knew he couldn’t be angry at that. Instead, he became defeated again. Shaking his head and closing his eyes, he wracked his brain.  
“I don’t know y/n,” he said resignedly   
You sat together no-one talking for some time when Taron looked at the box still in his hands. Holding them out to you. your eyes met  
“Pregnancy test? He asked softly  
“Seems you had more respect for your one-night stand than me, we didn’t use anything and I’m late” you mumbled  
It stung Taron, to hear you say he didn’t respect you but knew he couldn’t dig his way out of this one.   
“I take it, as the box is still shut, you haven’t taken it then? he asked and you shook your head.  
“Do you want to talk about it? You could take it now, if … he broke off, feeling utterly appalled at the situation he had created, all he wanted was a drink right now, which made him hate himself, even more, knowing it was that that had created this whole mess, to begin with.  
“I’m scared,” you said quietly  
“y/n I know you hate me right now and I don’t blame you, but you’re not alone, you don’t need to be scared” he replied.  
Opening the outer packaging he pulled the tests in their individual cellophane-wrapped boxes out and began to read the instructions. You reached over and picked another up and did the same.  
“I basically piss on the end and you wait 5 minutes and it’ll tell you,” you said, shifting off the bed and moving around into the bathroom. Taron followed.  
He leant on the door frame  
“I’ll wait out here,” he said softly and closed the door. He moved back onto the bed and scrolled his phone contacts to see if he could try and work out what had happened the night, he lost his wallet.  
A few moments later you re-appeared with the test and placed it on the side table, getting back into bed. Taron tentatively rested his hand next to yours and without caring anymore, you rested your forehead on his arm. His hand reached up and lay on your cheek causing you to close your eyes.  
“Damn you,” you thought as you felt the warmth radiating from his hand soothing and comforting you.   
“No,” you said loudly   
“No Taron, you can’t… you broke off and burst into tears, this time allowing Taron to hold you. His voice was shaking as you rocked back and forth, repeating “I’m so, so, sorry” over and over. You lost track of time and by the point, you had almost fallen asleep together emotionally exhausted.   
Taron said “The test is ready” softly.  
“I don’t want to know” you replied, you wanted to lay in his arms and pretend nothing had happened and everything was still perfect and happy. But you felt Taron reach for the test and brought it close. You looked at the words reading and re-reading them.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten  
You sat in the office and stared at your shoes; this was meant to be a review on your progress but all you could think about was whether, to be honest about what was going on with Taron. It was, she knew against the rules to ‘fraternise’ with other patients. But she was also meant to be honest in the sessions with her psychiatric team, how else would she get better.  
“I need to tell you something, I have broken one of the rules and I am scared I’ll be removed if I tell you” you blurted  
“ok,” said Jack “Well this is confidential and I need to tell you that if it puts you or others at risk, I do have to pass the information on”  
You sighed and sat quietly thinking for a moment.  
“Ok, How about I tell you something that I might be aware of that means you do not have to tell me outright,” Jack said reassuringly. You looked up momentarily searching his faced to see if he was on the right track.  
“I am aware that despite the rules regarding inter-patient relationships, many of our clients develop feelings for others. I am aware that you and another client were already in a relationship before you both arriving and that therefore is a different situation” he smiled reassuringly at you.  
His words stopped you for a minute as you remembered that Taron had told everyone you were together to get your transfer. You smiled lightly acknowledging what he said and felt yourself relax a little.   
“So, I am assuming by your reaction that I have allayed some of your fears, but can I place a word of warning on what I have said. Both of you need some serious work doing which is why you are here and it may not be in either of your interests at this time to be dealing with relationships of a more serious nature. That’s not to say that you cannot support one another and of course no one can control how they feel. But without breaking confidentiality y/n. You have your own things to work through, taking on another’s demons when they are maybe not even ready to do so themselves is only going to make it harder on you”   
You knew he was right and though the review went as well as you could expect it is the first, you couldn’t help thinking it was all a bit too late to be slowing things down now. When you returned to your room, you passed the common room. Taron was sat on a chair, book on his lap. He was clearly not really reading as he glanced up as soon as you appeared. He immediately put the book down and smiled softly.  
Without a word, he followed you to your room. You both took up a chair in the window and sat in silence again.  
“I’m not going to tell you what to do y/n or rush you, I just want to be here and involved. You don’t have to decide anything alone” Taron said   
“You said yesterday that I didn’t respect you, I wanted to argue back, but you’re right y/n. I didn’t think, not that that’s an excuse” he sighed  
You stared at the fabric of the chair, focussing on the rim and how it was sewn. Your mind whirling again.  
“I don’t know what to do, I feel like maybe it’s not the best idea to bring a baby into all this mess, but to be honest Taron, I don’t think I can do it”  
Taron moved nearer and took your hands. “Honestly, I don’t know either, I do know I would be a fucking shit parent right now” he sighed again, running his hands through his hair.  
“You, on the other hand, you would be incredible” he smiled softly. “I get what you mean though, how did your review go anyway,” he said changing the subject  
“Good, I didn’t tell them about this,” you said your hand resting on your stomach. Annoyingly you had found yourself doing that a lot and chided yourself whenever you noticed.  
“Taron, You’re an alcoholic and I am a suicidal, depressive mess. Never mind the challenges of us being disabled parents, I think the responsible thing would be … you trailed off. You saw Taron dropped his head. He kicked his feet on the floor. You saw his hands were trembling and wondered when his last drink had been.  
“Ok then,” he said nodding.   
Watching him you became suddenly overwhelmed at the thought of terminating the pregnancy. Taking his hand, you walked to the bed and lay down.   
“I need you to just hold me, please?” you told him softly, swallowing hard, you allowed yourself to look into his eyes and saw the sadness you shared. He smiled sadly and the two of you moved into each other, fitting perfectly together. You both closed your eyes. Tears ran down your face and you held Taron tight. He too held on to you as the silence continued.  
“You’re shaking” you whispered “How long since your last drink?   
“Yesterday, when I saw the test, I knew I needed to stop, I know it’d going to be horrible, but I need it out of my system. I don’t want to be that guy y/n. One that doesn’t remember doing horrible, spineless shit” he buried his head in your shoulder.  
“If you really mean it Taron, ask the team here, they can help, don’t do it on your own. I mean you’re not alone; you have me. But”  
“Taron, do I still have you? he asked tentatively  
“You shouldn’t, but you do” you sighed again, inhaling the smell of him and letting your senses take over and at least for now, letting this blissful comfort overtake the anxiety and stress.   
“I am so sorry y/n, I really don’t know what else I can say to you” he nuzzled your neck and kissed behind your ear.  
“I know, But you really have hurt me and I don’t trust you now, it’s going to take a lot to get that back, if at all” you moved back and making eye contact. Kissed his lips gently. He wiped the tears from your eyes and nodded.  
“I have my review at 3 pm, I will ask for help, I promise”  
\-----------  
The GP was a matter of fact when you asked for a referral to terminate the pregnancy. She asked several questions and you left with a date 2 weeks away. The time it was explained for you to change your mind. You sat in the taxi back to the site, with a heavy heart. Taron had been unable to come with you as he had to see the addiction team specialist. True to his word, he had asked for help to detox and this meeting was the first of dailies to begin the 12- step programme. You were positive about this new step and hoped that truly the wake-up call had come for him.  
Deep down you ignored the niggling voice that told you, he had not hit rock bottom yet. Something he would need to do, to submit truly and completely to long-lasting change. For now, you contented yourself with denial and hope. You allowed him to pamper you and now able to be open and freely express your relationship. You drifted into a phase of comfortable dating.  
Soon the day appeared on the horizon. Laying in his room in his arms you both stared unblinking at the sunset. The reality of the following day playing heavily on your minds. You stroked his chest absent-mindedly and found your hand occasionally stroking your stomach. You didn’t even try and make conversation.  
You hadn’t realised you’d fallen asleep, but the sun woke you up. Taron was still asleep and you lay watching him sleep. You looked down and saw his hand now laid flat against your stomach. Fleetingly you thought about how good it felt. Snapping at yourself, you closed your eyes, sadness flooded through you.   
Slipping his arm around your back, Taron pulled you to him. Nuzzling into your neck. He pulled the sheet up enveloping you both. “It’s okay” he soothed. “I meant it when I said I would be here either way if you have changed your mind, it’s ok” he whispered.  
The time came around to leave, Taron was meeting you at the clinic so as you pulled on your coat, you took a look at your full body in the mirror, imagining a bump. You sighed and zipped the zip. Pulling out of your room. You saw Esther   
“Hey, you, How are things are lovebird land, I barely see you and Taron,” she said brightly  
“Yeah it’s good” you lied, trying to up your energy level. You travelled together down the corridor.  
“I need to go, That’s my cab,” you told her and quickly escaped.  
Arriving at the clinic, you paid the driver and rolled up to the side of the building. Checking the time, you were a bit early so tried to distract yourself by scrolling social media. You texted Taron so tell him you were there. The weather was grey and cold and soon the rain decided to join the party. You moved indoors and reluctantly gave your name to the reception.  
Taron slept fitfully. He was dreaming, but it was as if it were all too real. He was laying next to you. Watching you sleep. His foot twitched and he couldn’t stop the gentle tremors in his hands. All he could think was how he just needed one shot of whiskey. To settle the anxiety, stop the tremors that were so irritating. He slipped from the bed and pulled on his jeans and hoodie, grabbing his trainers and coat. He clambered into his chair and as silently as possible, left the room.  
Using his Uber App, he ordered a taxi and it arrived soon. The driver was a woman, she had long blonde hair and was bright and chatty. He made small talk and enjoyed flirting with her. It felt good to be seen as attractive, despite He gave her the fare along with a tip and climbed from the cab. He walked to a rather innocuous front door and tapped lightly. The door opened a small amount and Taron pushed his way in.  
Entering the lounge, he shook hands with the others and slumped into a chair. He was handed a can straight off and opened it. Slugging the beer back, he sighed as the sense of relief overtook him. He took the joint from the guy next to him and sucked hard on it, allowing the potent herb to fill his lungs and closed his eyes, finishing the beer quickly. His host didn’t need to ask but passed him a large bottle of whiskey. He swigged from it and held it between his thighs as he sucked again at the joint before passing it on.   
“I won’t ask yer how it is man, I can see it “the guy to his right coughed as he took the joint and laughed. He was a similar age to Taron, tall and thinner, his head was shaved but he had a full beard and moustache.   
The television was on in the corner of the small terrace house, curtains were haphazardly attached to the 1970’s plastic rails, brown was the general colour of the room. The heat was coming from an old-fashioned gas fire that was sticking out of the once ornate fireplace and dusty ornaments sat on the mantlepiece above.   
The coffee table was littered with ash, fag ends and empty glasses, tin cans. Tobacco and rizla papers were discarded and strewn among the debris.  
You sat staring at the phone, turning frantically each time someone entered through the front door. Then you heard your name and resignedly you stood and followed the nurse. Sitting down the door closed behind you.

“I know it is here somewhere” Taron drawled  
“Don’t worry mate, it’ll be in yer jacket?” The tweedy guy from the house said as he shut the taxi door.  
“Don’t worry I’ll get him back safe and sound” the same taxi driver from earlier answered and climbed into the driver seat. Taron rested his head on the dashboard  
“You alright,” the driver said   
“Yer” Taron managed, The driver leant over and squeezed his knee. He looked up at her and saw her flirty smile. He returned it and took a good look at her. She was wearing tight jeans and an even tighter red vest top. He could see her breasts spilling over the top of the v neck.  
Arriving at the site, She pulled up at the side of the building. It was late and she knew he would have to find a way in other than the main entrance.   
She helped get out of the chair and opened his door for him.   
“I can do it” he snapped  
“I am sure you can,” she said bending down “But babe there is no need to be pissy about it” she gave him an intense look.  
He stared at her lips before he knew it, he was frantically kissing them. Climbing into his chair, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her down a dirt path.  
“Should I be scared? She asked  
Stopping in a deep enough spot. He turned. She walked over seductively “You know I do have a deal with certain customers of mine, payment in kind,” she told him.  
Bending down, close to him, she pulled at his belt, roughly pulling his cock free she dropped her head and began sucking him off. He leant back and closed his eyes. Cumming hard in her mouth. She licked her lips and growled at him.   
“I am going to fuck you as you have never been fucked” she drawled and yanking him off the chair to the ground, she straddled him. “Condom? She asked   
“In my wallet” he answered and reaching into his jacket she pulled out his black leather wallet, reaching inside she pulled out the condom and pressed the empty packet back in, dropping it beside her. She held him hard and rolled it on. It was rough and sloppy, and Taron though hard again, lay staring at the stars. Feeling nothing, numb. She looked at him, seductive but underneath she was showing something else. Pity, like she was doing something philanthropic, fucking the cripple. He pushed her off, Scrambling into the chair, as he pulled his jeans and boxers back up.  
“Well let a girl fucking finish at least? She grumbled   
“Fucking retards” she mumbled under her breath.   
Taron didn’t look back, instead, he made a beeline for the garden and the door he had deliberately left unlatched. His head thumped and all he could think of was you. He made his way back to your room, making as little noise as possible, he left his chair and went to the bathroom to pee.  
He pulled down his boxers and trousers, unsteady he fell crashing to the floor he sat defeated. He noticed the condom was still in place and just as he went to remove it, the door opened.  
Opening his eyes, he inwardly groaned.   
“Fuck” he thought “What the fuck were you doing? You utter prick” he shook his head. Picking up his phone, the realisation hit him  
“What the hell is the time? He looked around the room. Three empty whiskey bottle’s lay next to him on the bed. He read the time and dropped his head onto the mattress. It was 10 pm.


End file.
